Dimsurrection 1O1 v A Night At The Improv

For those who missed it, 7 of Stephen Colbert’s employees were arrested at the Capitol this week for trespassing, so our rightwing false-equivalency-maestros wasted no time claiming this comedy troupe’s shenanigans were akin to an all-out insurrection. Kidding, wasting time is all they do. This was an authorized shoot but, apparently, this band of jokesters wandered off a bit—a situation that totally parallels the events of January 6th, 2021 …well, unless you are familiar with the concept of sketch comedy, or mob violence, or the term ‘parallel’ itself. But, you know when these comedians receive the equivalent of a slapstick on the wrist, Fox & Friends are going to lose their minds. Kidding, having one of those is a prerequisite for that activity.

Free Range And Grass Fed Pokey V Zano Discussion

Zano: Hey Poke, so last week a court of law found the procedure of unmasking Michael Flynn appropriate, legal, and warranted? Remember that whole Rice and Obama should go to jail stuff from Fox & Friends?

Pokey: Ok, so they didn’t improperly unmask Flynn, but did they improperly unvaccinate the guy?

Zano: I see what you did there. Cheap shot [badum bump]. My old predictions on unmasking at the end of this article. I bring these up for pattern purposes, before banging my head against a wall. Oh, let’s not forget the Durham setback this week. Thus far, no one has been indicted in your endless Spygate ruminations. So over the last two decades, we still have …hmm, carry the one [eraser sounds]. Uh, zero indictments. Wait, let’s have a recount. Yep. Zip.

Pokey: Hold on. So why have all those Clinton Foundation “charity projects” withered since Bill and Hillary vacated politics? Answer: The Clinton Foundation only flourished because of politics. To suggest otherwise is as ridiculous as respecting Hunter Biden’s foreign business dealings as “legitimate.” They have proven themselves to be crime families. I’ve never supported the Republican’s foreign business dealings, including Trump’s, but to lend legitimacy to the Clintons and the Bidens—what you tend to do—is the problem.

I’ve Got Your Political Tinfoil Hat Decoder Ring, Right Here!

I’ve always had a certain level of suspicion, after all, I spent the better part of my college career hanging out with a dude in a fedora and a ‘Question Authority’ t-shirt. My instincts, thereby, are to follow folks down these rabbit holes, depending on the fairy tale, of course. But rarely have I found these deep dives into the right-wing conspiracy trenches worthwhile, as they typically list toward the Jay Ward ‘fractured’ variety. Twenty years of this endeavor can be captured best by YouTubing QAnon predictions to the Depp-Heard trial transcript, while being waterboarded. Some disturbing details are typically uncovered regarding “how the sausage is made,” and then interest wanes when the indictment fervor fades. Simple reform isn’t among the rightwinger’s hobby interests. The punch line comes from the deeper dive, when you uncover who made such actions legal in the first place. More of these roads lead to Lord Reagan than I ever imagined. The DNC’s treatment of Bernie Sanders in 2016—particularly Hillary’s role—is probably the most tangible wrongdoing on the left, but on some level republicans appreciate such tactics and probably took notes. Despite this, staying vigilant in the Age of Misinformation is important because this mountain-sized pile of Foxal matter represents the perfect place to hide a real scandal. It’s the virtual haystack in which to drop any size needle. If Hillary does murder someone, she has but to drop a breadcrumb over at Infowars, and she’s golden. On other side, Donald Trump just shot someone in the face on 5th Avenue and said, “See?”

Donald Trump Accused Of Smuggling Big Macs To The Kremlin

Donald Trump’s legal peril continues to mount today as the former president stands accused of aiding and BigMac’ing the enemy, as well as other violations of the McHatch Act. A truck containing 400 Happy Meals was intercepted 3-miles from the Russian border in Kazakhstan and, according to officials, Donald Trump’s fingerprints are “literally everywhere.” After the closing of all 850 of their restaurants in Russia, the McDonald’s franchise told the press today, “We refuse to comment on any fast-food clown other than our own mascot.” Kazakhstani despot, Admiral General Aladeen, said, “We suspected The Donald for three reasons: one, someone poached all the Happy Meal toys. Who else would do that? Two, half of the French fries were eaten, beyond what any Grubhub driver would do here in beautiful Kazakhstan. And three, each bag contained a note saying, ‘I Iove you, Vlad. Don’t release the pee pee tape, buddy. P.S. We still have Helsinki!'”

Fox Analyst Joins Fight For Russia

New York, NY—After news broke of an MSNBC employee’s decision to join Ukrainian forces to fight Russian aggression, Fox News went into scramble mode. The minutes of yesterday’s executive meeting revealed a series of initiatives the Fox network floated to discredit, Malcolm Nance, the heroic foreign affairs analyst turned Ukraine freedom fighter. The Discord has procured a copy of these minutes, and the document reveals a frantic 24-hour period wherein Fox & Friends pursued several tactics to counter the news piece of a gutsy black liberal doing manly things. At first efforts were directed at inventing some trans-related gender scandal, after all, his name is Nance. They then explored Nance’s connection to an overdue library book in 1992, but it was decided that the majority of Fox News viewers would not find the story of a literate black person credible. To Fox’s credit, they dismissed the notion Nance was a type of cyborg transformer who actually doubled as Hunter Biden’s laptop. There are limits. Near the end of the meeting two primary strategies surfaced, either label the entire affair black-on-Black Russian violence, or somehow link Nance to the death of four Americans during the Benghazi embassy attacks. When all leads seemed a bit of a stretch, even by Fox News standards, an analyst from their Audience Engagement Department suddenly “volunteered” to fight for the Kremlin. The Fox employee is being deployed along with a Russian BGT battalion to the Donbas region of Ukraine sometime Thursday. The as yet unnamed rightwing counterpart released a statement that he does identify as a man and is in no way connected to the horrible atrocities that occurred in Benghazi under Hillay Clinton’s watch in 2012.

Stolen History: A Return To The More Classical QAnon

Stolen History is a 3-part series available on Youtube for no cover charge. This compelling documentary initially focuses on a hodgepodge of conspiracy theories: missing history, the existence of giants, the Akashic record, and morphic resonance, just to name a few. The series then shifts to western civilization’s impetus and determination to trample our myths, traditions, and spiritual heritage. These are all fascinating subjects, but the overarching premise here is how recent history was mysteriously and systematically obliterated. This isn’t a new theme, how moguls conspired to pull spirituality and history up by its roots in an effort to shift the world’s attention to technological advancements in the hopes of creating a more consumer-driven society. Ironically, this movement kicked into gear when they first started making gears, at the onset of the industrial revolution. Yes, this marks the triumphant return of the Hapsburgs, the Fed, the Free Masons, the robber barons, and everything else on the Illuminati buffet. Still, this is the best series of its kind. It does paint a dismal view of recent human activity and the collective brainfart called modernity. Another piece of the puzzle is how ancient buildings were systematically demolished to make way for the series of World Fairs that started in the early 1800s. In preparation for these events, designed to introduce the globe to our gadget-filled future, each city leveled key historic structures, often accruing huge monetary loses for their efforts. They go country by country, building by building, covering this odd behavior that does paint a baffling picture. I was also taken aback by how much the British colonization acted to crystalize the caste system in India. I always wondered how people with such a rich spiritual history got so caught up in this caste business. How do you go from the Upanishads to the untouchables? From unity consciousness to Ukraine unconsciousness, from Mahatma Gandhi to Narendra Modi, from Maharishi to Mumbai-queasy, from Vedic to pathetic, from Brahman to …I’m being told to stop.

Three White Dudes Locked In Egoville Equals WWIII

WWIII is shaping up nicely. First, we have the crazy uncle who watches Tucker Carlson, aka our resident sociopathic Russian, who just wants a little bit more room between himself and anything that smells remotely like NATO. He is an ego-driven, soulless type so, depending on how things go down, we can expect big things from him on the war escalation front. Then we have our own president, quick on the supersanctions, but really cast in the role of FDR for this round. He is happy to remain calm and keep up the pressure on Russia, at least financially, but he doesn’t really have the appetite for mutually assured destruction. Finally, we have Zelensky (the key player of key players), who started off strong but is now in a rather tough spot. The right decision to avoid catastrophe on a species-level is to call uncle, or at least uncle neutral. This is a bitter pill for Zelensky to swallow when your friends and family are being bombed back to the stone age by the person you need schmooze. Nevertheless, Operation Tepid Borscht is the only scenario that will halt Putin and it might just be the only thing that can save us. I realize gazpacho is more typically served hot or cold on this side of the pond, but borscht roles that way too. So let’s do this! If I were the US president—and both of my readers realize I should be—I would be brokering that neutral suppe-dealio, right now. And if you elect me, I will stop making borscht jokes from day one! 

Trump Said Putin Is Showing A ‘Lot Of Love’ For Making ‘His Country Larger’

I just wanted to chime in on this comment, one that our former president had the temerity to utter outload yesterday, presumably on purpose. Putin has a ‘lot of love’ for making ‘his country larger.’ Hmmm. Trump is the grift that keeps on grifting, isn’t he? Germany called this need for some national space, lebensraum, and the notion factored into their involvement in both world wars. Nice segue to WWIII, don’t ya think? Germans today, and probably most of the rest of the free world outside of Fox News, would call Trump another German word for uttering that statement; sheisskopf comes to mind. And I, too, say that with a lot of love.

Is Biden Neglecting An Important Psychological Putinesque Point?

Those who read the Zano can already read the Ukrainian tea leaves. I don’t post much anymore, but you got this, gang! You’ve been handed the algorithm. Most of us are concerned about the advent of WWIII, and with good reason. Are we all going to die in a flamy Putinesque wall of fire? I actual don’t know, but when Nikki Haley and The Donald, two prominent republicans, admonished Biden’s approach to Moscow last week, we were handed a pretty big clue. Specifically, Nikki Haley felt that Biden was failing to deliver in a “major leadership moment,” and Trump said sanctions won’t work. The rightwing media, true to form, quickly followed suit with: Western sanctions don’t harm Putin — they strengthen him | TheHill. Putin eats sanctions for breakfast and shits non-binding UN resolutions after his nooner. That moment of R-unity is when the rest of us can take a collective deep breath and crack open a brewsky in preparation for that Super Game. Wait. I’m being told that’s over …and it’s not called the Super Game. Anyway, when the GOP speaks in a single voice, we are handed that compass—the one pointing due south. It’s that moment when we can, preferably in a presidential hushed tone, whisper: “It’s going to be okay.” 72-hours after the rightwing Biden blitzscheiss, we find out just how wrong the wrong brigade got this one. What was nice about this is how, well, usually it takes a year or more before we find out how badly they muffed it, and by then no one cares. This one played out faster than the Flash chugging a case of Red Bull. Biden orchestrated this shit in the time it took our former president to take one. In Mr. Trump’s defense, he was apparently doing other things in there. 

Why All The Reviews Get Netflix’s Midnight Mass So Bloody Wrong

Netflix’s Midnight Mass is a fascinating miniseries, but not for the reasons you might think. The tale perfectly captures what I call the scheissgeist of our time. The story is set on Crockett Island, a fictional town resting off the coast of the Pacific Northwest—a place that, despite its location, somehow managed to miss the whole craft beer movement thing. Poignant. Otherwise, this island-nation becomes the perfect metaphor for the States. It’s even nicknamed ‘the crockpot’ for its melting-pot levels of diversity. You can take it, try to leave it, or burn it to the ground, aka the same problem we all face today. The acting and the special effects are a strength, and I particularly appreciated the attention to atmospheric detail. The series is steeped in Christian symbolism and Mary Magdalen makes an appearance as well, but never mind all that, let’s get Pruitt! Our story starts with the return of not one, but two prodigal sons, who represent not one but two separate levels of consciousness. The island is ‘graced’ with the return of their old priest, Father Pruitt, played by Hamish Linklater, who the congregation believes is a temp sent by the diocese, yet in reality (spoiler alert) he’s a younger vampiric version of himself. Pruitt, now traveling under the name Paul Hill, was restored during his own spiritual journey through the holy land by a more ancient evil. The priest represents the mythic-fundamentalist mindset, and he is content to propagate his new species, thus interpreting the eternal aspect of the undead dealio as a gift from God. In this way Christianity itself becomes the contagion, a new twist on the MAGA-variant joke. He’s trying to make lemonade out of the lemons that the dark angel gave him, or, in this case, bloody marys. The second prodigal son, equally damaged, is Riley Flynn played by Zach Gilford. After a felony DUI that resulted in the death of a young woman, Riley returns home after his jail stint, still haunted by the ordeal. He represents the rational-modern level of consciousness, struggling for meaning and purpose. His girlfriend, Erin Greene played by Kate Siegel, represents the liberal level of consciousness (Green level, or, in this case, Greene). See how this works? In the end, she does grasp the perennial philosophy as she lies bleeding out in the final sequence amidst a pantheistic soliloquy reminiscent of Sagan and Dawkins jerking off to Spinoza. Oh, sorry, that’s the other spoiler alert. Spinoza was a pantheist.

What Comes Around Trolls Around #Boomeranger

The R-meme-rebound is a real thing. You come up with an idea or that ‘aha’ moment emerges, in witty form, so you share your well-crafted meme on social media. Then you can set your watch to see how long it takes that same, yet opposite sentiment to swing back around the political horn. This occurs after its lovingly repackaged by MAGA trolls, of course …you know, those same folks who think Grammarly is a communist plot to overthrow sentence structure. Typically, they just switch the Rs to Ds or Trumps to Bidens and then publish. Good work if you can get it. And it’s not just memes, this trend also occurs amidst rightwing journalism, or what’s left of it. On my ride down to Tucson last weekend, I caught some lovely AM radio and was struck by the ongoing conservative tendency to pay it backward. This isn’t some new tactic but, seeing as how I don’t watch Fox anymore, it’s great to take the pulse of our brain-activityless brethren once in a while. Somewhere south of Nacho Grande I was amazed to hear the phrase Biden crime family bandied about. The Biden crime family? Roll that one around in your mouth for a while. I was among the first to go with a Trump crime family theme here on The Discord, but only because Trump was already a well-established mob boss with a crime family in tow. In a related move, all politicians excel at naming bills after the diametrical opposite of their intent; the Patriot Act comes to mind, or a Save America Rally, or Right to Work, which translates as: here comes the HR guy with the box for your stuff. Yikes. On that note, I lost so many jobs recently I believe it’s inversely impacting Biden’s jobless numbers. Just say’n.

This MAGA Message Already Wins The 2022 Least Insightful Award

I know what you’re thinking, how could you find the least insightful MAGA meme on the internet? How could such a thing reliably even be measured? Don’t overthink this one, folks, because this is a story about non-thinking beings. I do believe this social media gem is worth reviewing, as it packs more Foxal matter, per syllable, than should be humanly possible; it’s also a further indicator of the extreme damage to the MAGA mindset. But a warning comes with this one: this contains about 20% less insight than most republican statements, which could break mathematics as we know it. And I still need that sometimes, like deciding when I should stop doing illicit substances prior to scheduled drug screenings, and the like. The sentiments embedded in this tweet are also part of the reason Biden’s approval ratings are tanking. I am not defending Biden in this piece so much as pointing out the mountain of false assumptions that passes for conservative thought these days, aka the usual.

Will Reality Ever Set In For Team America?

It isn’t really just the republicans, is it? I mean, sure they are the main cause of our woes, at least in my adult lifetime, but what is the deal with the liberal response to this cogent threat? Then I thought, hell, even most of the media seems oblivious to our current plight. Some journalists are honing-in on the appropriate level of dystopic hysterics, but the centerpiece of today’s news headlines should be some binary variation of either: Democracy Is In Peril!, or Mother Earth Is Going Tits Up! As things heat up (literally), I’m growing weary of the other distractions, right or left. Today, I found two related articles from the New York Times: Republicans Are Succeeding Because We No Longer Live In A Democracy, and Imagine It’s 2024, And Republicans Are Declaring Trump President. Nice. But on this, the 4th day of January, I find myself already at my 2022 NYTs article-limit so please let me know what you think about those *Cough*. I then switched to The Atlantic, typically a Zano Nation safe space, but today I read The Myth of Tribalism: Beware of the false notion that group solidarity leads inevitably to conflict. Dear Atlantic, can I call a Mulligan and get an additional free article this month? What’s your exchange policy?

Monsters Inside U.S.

The mounting threats to our nation are endless, yet it’s easy to get mesmerized by the garden snake variety and ignore the cobras in the room. Republicans can’t even see the cobras at all, without the aid of a mirror. For this piece, let’s adopt a Deafcon system, because you’re all kind of deaf (the 12 Discord readers excluded, of course). R thinks we’re on the verge of communism and D believes we’re slipping toward a dictatorship. First off, the threat of becoming a communist nation is about a 1 on our Likert (1-5 threat scale). Mounting CRT concerns or no, there’s no clear path from Bernie to Stalin, unless you think Finland is about to annex Norway. From the progressive perspective, we are a social democracy striving to be a more functional one—social safety nets over failed military campaigns, a desire to direct our tax dollars to people over corporations, and other crazy stuff like that. On the fascism or despotism side of the equation, however, we are currently at DeafCon 3, and we will shift to Deafcon 4 in and around 2024. The next elections will not be pleasant and the possibility of a peaceful transition of power is waning. Again, this will look nothing like 1864, but the fallout could prove equally devastating. This is why, today, I am turning to both Christ and church, aka I’m moving to Christchurch, New Zealand.

And The Spygate’s Last Gleaming

Is Hillary or Trump going to jail? Yep, I failed to squeeze everything into last week’s installment of our ongoing Trump-Ukraine-Russia-Dossier saga (TURDs), because the sketchy links keep arriving at Discord headquarters at a truly dizzying pace. There’s so much, real and imagined, crammed into these two mega messes. On one side a top Mueller deputy prepares to release another Special Counsel director’s cut, and down in MAGAville we’re inching ever closer to Hillary-dossier culpability—which, if you haven’t heard, comes in the form of an aide who allegedly crafted the Dossier’s content. It appears my blogvesary and I are in agreement on some details, which is good for Poke and Zano but horrible for Team USA. After several years of debating these dueling scandals, we agree there’s significant smoke on both sides of this crapola. On the Trump-Russian collusion front, no actual conspiracy-fire existed and yet this doesn’t excuse Trump’s crime spree. We also agree that there’s a lot of smoke on the Spygate front, which includes a nonexistent FISA process (thanks Patriot Act), circular leaks by the intelligence community (thanks Patriot Act), nonstop mainstream media coverage of a conspiracy phantasm (thanks Rachel, et al), and a dud of a Dossier at the heart of this mess (thanks Hillary). The Steele Dossier really is ground zero of this schitznik, and it’s totally stinking up the joint. Sorry, that’s my friend Pokey’s job.

The Trump-Russia Collusion Narrative On The Brink

For today’s schitznik, Pokey and Zano discuss Andrew Sullivan’s and David Frum’s recent articles on Trump-Russia collusion: Frum’s Atlantic article summarizes the damning allegations as uncovered by the Senate Intelligence report, and Sullivan pushes back on his Weekly Dish by citing the mainstream media’s endless and fruitless march toward a conspiracy conviction.

Pokey: Sullivan’s article was the best article you’ve sent me in a long time, and I essentially agree with everything  …except for the misleading title. The term ‘hoax’ implies orchestration. Media Overkill, coordinated by the CIA, FBI, and the DOJ. I see little mention of the established coordination, but I do concede the facts of Trump’s deep character flaws and the very real Russian influence on his campaign. That’s a potent assessment, bridging gaps. I will acknowledge this—at this time I cannot imagine ever supporting the politics of Trump again. I’m proud of you, Zano. You are still capable of trans-consensus thought. You ain’t over the hill yet.

Blogging Legends Of The Fall

Dear Pokey, for our two decades long debates, we’ve spent a lot of time—all of it, actually—covering the rightwing alternative narratives, which, at least thus far, never panned out. They end, year after year, ‘scandal’ after ‘scandal’, special counsel after special counsel, judge after Dredd, minus any relevant findings. Certainly, at least 90% of what you’ve been on about from Uranium One, to Benghazi to Stop the Steal ended  …well, let’s just say, the primary ingredient turned out to be Foxal matter (Fecally Fortified Political Scat—an acronym that even makes its own farting sound). Why not start to question your news sources, or your own biases? What is your aversion to calling an Alex Jones an Alex Jones? Can we please finally discuss the elephant in the room? We are coming up on 20 years of blogging. Let’s look at some history.

[I’ll be Beck joke removed by a time-traveling California Governor.]

Biden Urges Dems Not To Start War On Christmas Until After Thanksgiving

Washington—In a fiery speech yesterday, President Biden made it clear that any premature attacks on Christmas during the upcoming holiday season would not be tolerated. “Be patient,” urged Biden, “At least wait until the Monday after Thanksgiving to start disrespecting our religious heritage and our country’s belief in Jesus Christ, Santa Claus, or any of Santa’s Merry Men. As the Sheriff on Nottingham once said, ‘Thou shallt not play holiday music in the department stores or display blinking lights before we eat turkey and watch football. We must first stuff our belly’s Friar-Tuck-style and then you can get back to consumerizing the meaning out of Christmas and/or mocking it outright.”